The Superficial Universe

Superficial

A few days ago I was having a conversation with a friend of mine and she called me shallow, which she knows is not true. Well, maybe it is a small part of my personality. I choose to think of myself as more picky than shallow. She said I only like to date beautiful women. I asked why that was a problem and she said that my standards are too high for most women to live up to. She went on to state that there are plenty of other women that are more suited for me that don't look like models. In the moment all I could come up with in my defense was that I am a male and a photographer and that I just can't help it. Upon further thought, I have gathered some information to support my taste in women.

The memorable scene in Beautiful Girls of Paul Kirkwood's (Michael Rapaport) glowing monologue about "supermodels" and "beautiful girls" while surrounded by pinups tacked on the wall: "Supermodels are beautiful girls, Will. A beautiful girl can make you dizzy, like you've been drinkin' Jack and Coke all morning. She can make you feel high - full of the single greatest commodity known to man - promise. Promise of a better day. Promise of a greater hope. Promise of a new tomorrow. This particular aura can be found in the gait of a beautiful girl. In her smile, in her soul, and the way she makes every rotten little thing about life seem like it's gonna be okay. The supermodels, Willy? That's all they are. Bottled promise. Scenes from a brand new day. Hope dancing in stiletto heels."

Men will do an immeasurable amount of stupid things for the minutest amount of attention from a beautiful woman. I have certainly gone to extraordinary lengths to acquire the interest of beautiful women. Whether it is a peacock's strut or a lion's roar, or Brad Pitt's sly grin or Dennis Rodman's outrageous antics, we all work with whatever we have to obtain the lofty goal of the arm of the gorgeous female.

Some women are attracted to money and power, others physical stature, some a sense of humor, others the 'bad boy' image and some the artistic mind. Everything we do is to attract a woman. It is like the idea of no such thing as a selfless act. We would be kidding ourselves if we said otherwise. Sure we can convince ourselves that we are career-minded, expressing ourselves or entertaining others but in the end it is always about attracting a woman. It is the way we have been programmed since the beginning of time and it will continue forever.

Think of the images we have seen all of our lives of the sirens of the silver screen archives. Marilyn Monroe, Jayne Mansfield, Rita Hayworth, Sophia Loren, Jean Harlow, Jacqueline Bisset, and Brigitte Bardot all possessed a sensual sexuality that could melt any 45".

Today we have Victoria's Secret, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition, Maxim, Stuff and so on. Less is left to the imagination but that same image of smoldering sexuality exists. In a time where Playboy has not only survived but thrived there is no escaping what the masses feed us to fall in love with. It is what we dream of.
Every man has his own version of Eve. Luckily for us, women come in all shapes, sizes and colors! Tall, short, athletic, thin, voluptuous, blond, brunette, redhead, tan, pale...the list is endless. We thankfully live in a Baskin Robbins world and yet still most men will never fully be satisfied with what they have. The American dream is based on settling for nothing less than the best. It is our duty as one living in the most influential and powerful country in the world to strive for more.

Of course this entire physical obsession causes an endless number of issues for the subjects of our desire.
In the same movie, the scene of the bar-room singing of "Sweet Caroline"; and the scene of down-to-earth Gina Barrisano's (Rosie O'Donnell) smart-mouthed put-down monologue about the centerfold beauty myth and unrealistic expectations that guys have about supermodels to Tommy Rowland (Matt Dillon) and high-school grad Willie Conway (Timothy Hutton) "Oh, guys, look what we have here. Look at this, your favorite, oh you like that?...Yeah, that's nice, right? Well, it doesn't exist, OK? Look at the hair, the hair is long, it's flowing. It's like a river. Well, it's a f--king weave, OK? And the t-ts? Please! I could hang my overcoat on them. T-ts, by design, are intended to be suckled by babies. Yeah, they're purely functional. These are silicon city. And look, my favorite, the shaved pubis. Pubic hair being so unruly and all. Very vain. This is a mockery, this is sham, this is bulls--t..."

I truly have no counter argument. Men are highly visual and cars, women, boats, motorcycles, etc is what stimulates us mentally more than emotionally. Since the famous poster of Farrah Fawcett there has been no denying my physical attraction to the female form. I am not stating that the way we view women physically is right or wrong, good or bad, fair or not but it is the society we live in. Whether it is natural beauty or all tricks, we all look for women that make our jaw drop and our tongue unroll into the street.
From Chris Rock's HBO special at the Apollo Theater:

"You're all liars.
Masters of the lie, the visual lie.
Look at you.
You got on heels, you ain't that tall.
You got on makeup,
Your face don't look like that.
You got a weave, your hair ain't that long.
You got a Wonderbra on,
your t-tties ain't that big."

The crazy thing is we don't care, lie all you want! So enhance your bust with that special bra, stretch those legs with heels, and make up your face. Bottle that promise. Just remember that we lie too, see what you want to see and believe what you want to believe.

By Trey Mitchell


Sexy at 80

I learned an insanely important life lesson during my sophomore year of college. I was in month 4 of dating Miss-Everything-TTU.  She was tall, gorgeous, homecoming queen, and popular. The more important detail, however, was that we had essentially no interests in common. Not one hobby. Not even a single television show. Outside I was glowing. Inside I was empty and miserable.  But it's funny how the peer pressures we learned about in high school have even more complex dimensions in college. When the big faces on campus- athletes, the fraternity guys, the socialites, etc- are all patting you on the back drooling at your girlfriend, why would anyone want to give that up?

And then it happened. My best friend looked me directly in the eyes and said: Do you even remember the last time you laughed?    Reality ensues.  I had spent 21 years of my life with a deeply innate appreciation of sense of humor; laughing every chance I got. It exuded from all aspects of my life. Yet the second I was asked that question, I was forced to admit that I had just lost 4 months of life for piece of the superficial pie.

Trey's right- we're surrounded by beauty, each generation more than the last. And seeing beauty makes us want beauty. But at what point does it become an obsession? Do we all have a phase where we sacrifice core values so a piece of arm candy can make us feel warm and fuzzy?  I do believe in a perfect world we'd all enjoy a supermodel by our side, but I also believe the most critical factor is where you draw the line. Are you obsessed with all the glamour? Are you obsessed with being noticed? Does your obsession with the social sexiness that surrounds you drive your decisions and purchases: your car, your clothes, your weekend agendas.  Would you eliminate someone, whom your friends might consider a 'great match', from your dating pool because she is merely a 6 or 7?   Have you or someone you know lost their personality trying to keep up with a superficial, socialite scene?  Did I hit a nerve? 

I drafted some tips to help you find some inner peace, or maybe just put things in perspective: take a few minutes to completley separate the worlds. World 1 is your sexy world. Everything in this world is beautiful: models on tv, people downtown, the women in music videos. And you're allowed to date your respective Brad Pitt or Minka Kelly. When you close your eyes in this world, someone is fanning you below the pillars of a statue of yourself.  World 2 is your optimal dating world....and it's foundation is more of a list. It's a list of all the things you need to truly be happy. It's the can't-live-without attributes for your somebody- the person put on the planet for you. Here's the kicker: your optimal dating world has match with your long term needs, which may include kids and family. And if you're roaming the world in hopes Bo Derek walks out of the water and notices you, your clouded goals may be keeping you from true happiness. Once the list is complete, keep it in the back of your head and occasionally revisit it to evaluate the most important aspect at the end of the day: your happiness with your dating life.

40 years from now, we're all going to be sitting pondering the past. We'll be old and wrinkled. Our joints will ache. And we'll have a ton of good memories.  But we won't have silky smooth skin. No perfect hair. And our ears and nose will be larger than they are today. Regardless of our appearances, I will wish a couple good fortunes upon everyone I care about in 2010:  In 40 years when our beauty is gone, we all have the daily pleasure of being with someone whose conversation we adore and who makes us laugh on the hour.  Those are timeless treasures that will outlast every superficial quality Megan Fox can bring to dinner. 

How we live and act and date and value over the next few decades has yet to be seen...so proceed with caution, and remember- 4 decades from now, beauty will be scarce...will you be laughing with a partner? or alone in a rocking chair?


~Jake Slivensky