Men are Stupid- Women are Crazy...or is it vice versa?

Stupid Crazy

Women are crazy and men are stupid. Italians make the best lovers, gay men are all whores, all black men cheat and Brazilian woman are the most beautiful in the world. Now that we have some stereotypes out of the way let's talk about some truths.

As a whole, women are more of an emotional rollercoaster due to monthly hormonal cycles and if they are pregnant the ride is even more intense. Men are less emotional and more reserved with their feelings as we hide them as some badge of strength. We are at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum so it is understandable that we view the opposite sex as almost alien.

So, if one of us has to be labeled then the other must accept the label as well. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard one call the other out and neither deny the other’s stereotype. After all, it is only fair that we share.

Common sense tells us that these are extreme generalizations of the opposite sex. Men can be crazy in our own way and women can be stupid as well. The bottom line is that we express ourselves in very different ways. We must learn to bridge the gap between emotional outpouring and emotional absence. We may be stupid when we do not listen and you may be crazy when you are irrational.

There are far too many advertisements (Pizza Hut, AT&T, Whiskas, Sony), books (She's Come Undone by Wally lamb, The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen, songs ('Crazy Bitch' by Buckcherry) and television/movies ('Two and a Half Men', 'Fatal Attraction', 'Single White Female' and most reality shows) that feed into these blind labels. We need more realistic and honest demonstrations of communication and understanding. Women tend to think out loud as where we tend to internalize. Women must take the time to ask questions and we must take the time to not just hear but listen. Usually women tell us what they want and at times we expect them to be mind-readers.

Life is full of choices and we can either accept things or change them. If you care about someone and they constantly hear that they are stupid or crazy, after a while you start to believe it as true. Do not reinforce negativity and defend them and their right to express themselves as they wish. We must take the time to learn when, what, how and why and to communication transparently is the only way.

Would you rather be stupid or crazy?

~TM

I Choose Crazy- Crazy Listening

"We all go a little bit mad somtimes."   Anthony Perkins, Pyshco

Have you ever actually stopped to evaluate how you express yourself? How you listen?  You almost have to give yourself 2 scores for each forum: A score for expressing yourself during times of status quo….And a score for expressing yourself (and listening) during times of real conflict. Do you keep a level head? Do you bottle up and put up barriers? Do you get defensive and turn on attack mode? Some would argue that due to self-bias and ego, a person shouldn’t even be evaluating his or her own skills because we'd all would end up with A’s and B’s. So hold that thought a moment…

Consider the last heated argument you either had or maybe you witnessed within a relationship. It's driven by mutual anger and ends with no resolution. Now imagine that the two people part ways for the evening to respective ‘guys night out’ and ‘ladies night out’. It now becomes easy to picture how stereotypes and rumors spread like a virus.  You’re surrounded by the support and comfort of your bff’s, and the next 30 minutes of verbal release (combined with a stiff drink) is your therapy. The next thing you know- women are crazy, guys are stupid, and all your friends know-so.

Relationship communication has aspects that transcend the mere conversation: The ability to listen; the degree of resolution; the post-talk processing; the commitment to a cause- to name a few.  How much more productive would every single relationship talk be if both parties were committed to Stephen Covey’s Habit #5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood. The attribute of being a listener and processer first- and a talker second. Soaking in your partners needs first- and your needs second. It just might be a foundation for a solid resolution.

So where did I take this section? Directly to the cause of listening and being a solid listener for a greater cause. And that cause includes avoiding ugliness, rumors, and stereotypes. Otherwise, we’ll eventually just end up at happy hour talking about how crazy and stupid everyone is…and every person will be fair game.

~JRS